my name is chuck and...
i've come to the conclusion that staying in a refrigerated computer lab for seven hours does nothing for my ability to concentrate, or even be coherent. there's a slight problem though. i'm kind of addicted.
i'm fairly comfortable admitting it in this manner. it's a diary, after all, and i'm doing what i'm addicted to, so no worries.
i really wish i weren't addicted. it's so time-consuming, and i don't really get that much done, or it doesn't feel like it, not to mention that there's little social contact (instant messaging counts for something), and it kills my eyes. people always used to think i was stoned because i would have red eyes from sitting on the computer all night long. they weren't too far off.
of course, there's a reason i do it. it's not just because i can't seem to help it. okay, that's mainly it, but i can't help it because of how it feels. it's great. it's not like sex, it's not like being drunk, it's not like driving too fast or anything like that. it's more like reading a good book in a warm house on a cold day when you don't have anywhere else to be, and don't want to. it's like having all the time in the world and doing exactly what you want to. it's very much like that, in fact, except that i don't really have all the time in the world. i'm reminded of that by the buzzing announcement, just coming on, that "the library will close in twenty-five minutes."
that's the worst feeling in the world.