blah (or, 'great. irony.')
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
i suppose i should explain.
i always want to be wanted. even if i have no intentions for a girl, i still want her to like me and be interested. some girls i even want to stay single just so i can feel like there's a possibility there, even one i know i'm not going to pursue.
this is sick of me, but i can't seem to help it. i don't know what to do.
i thought that i'd be bolder after last fall but i'm not. i suppose that it makes sense. i didn't really do anything then, after all, except go with the flow. really, i displayed extreme cowardice. that was one case when i shouldn't have become involved, but i let myself give in. i justified it by thinking that maybe my uncertainty was simply the usual inability to commit or take a risk. in truth, the real risk would have been defiance. it was so much easier to go along for the ride, though, and maybe hope that, when the ride was threatening to change, that it was coming to an end. (it's harsh, but it's true. i don't think she still reads this anyway.)
but i've wandered as usual. i don't know, i'm tired of thinking about this, and i'm tired from lack of sleep, and i feel sick to my stomach at my own self.
begin again
don't let me in
i'm not afraid
to break through your skin
reading other people's diaries, i am reminded of my singleness. i haven't thought about it too much lately because of so much going on, but now i feel so very alone.
i know, i'm not alone in my loneliness. how ironic.