right now, you are slowing down to take a look at me
just now, walking home from work, i had the song "take it easy" stuck in my head. one part seems about right for me: "come on baby / don't say maybe / i gotta know if your sweet love / is gonna save me". what's funny is that the justification for that is "we may lose and we may win / but we'll never be here again". this is funny because i'm always wanting a girl, but several times i've kept from doing anything because i knew that one of us would be moving soon. in other words, the future is my excuse, not my justification.
as usual, that's not the whole story. can you really ever know the whole story? i don't even know the whole story. you'd think i would by now, but i think, as usual, that i think about it too much (hmmm, do ya think?).
wow, sometimes this stuff just writes itself. i couldn't make it up if i tried, and believe me, i try. i don't know, maybe all these little cliches are just a sign of my laziness. i mean, really, how worthwhile is it to write, "and believe me, i try"? it's just a tired gag, coz i've always got to be the funny one. i wonder how funny i actually am, and whether it's worth it.
i was reading a book on philosophy and the simpsons recently (once again, i couldn't make this stuff up if i tried -- see above), and they pointed out that even though the characters have distinct personalities and, well, characters, they still act, uhh, out of character sometimes just to make a joke; and i realized today that i am the same way. no wonder i can't decide out who or what i am; i'm always changing who i am just to be funny.
once again, though, i'm sure this is not the whole story. or is it? i kind of have the assumption in my head that i'll never truly, one hundred percent know anything, or be absolutely, totally correct about anything! in fact, i don't even like to make blanket statements -- not even this one! this is the truest absolute statement i ever make -- that i don't ever make absolute statements. it's all, "as far as i know", or, "well, i think..." isn't that kind of assumed in any conversation? i don't know.
what's ironic is that i'm doing all of this self-discovery when i should be doing something else, namely writing a letter to a certain new orleansean (?) pal. maybe it's not ironic after all. self gain at cost to others is pretty normal, i think.
wow, i'm pretty bitter at myself right now. i don't know why. guess i'm just tired.