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Jun. 17, 2003
4:25 p.m.

if i sing acappella, it will have more emotional impact

what is going to happen to me? what will i become?

we are always becoming something. i think that i am changing from who i used to be. i've already changed a lot, i think, but i am still myself. still a dork, still tall and skinny, still bad with girls.

but i'm better in some ways. more talkative (sometimes), more awake to possibilities, less self-conscious about my hair.

it's not all gravy though (not even good gravy!). i am afraid sometimes that i will turn evil, that i am becoming irrevocably perverted, that one of these days i will manipulate somebody and i won't turn back from it.

when i really think about it, though, i know that i still have a conscience. i think that i'm a lot less principled than i used to be, though; or maybe i'm no more principled, and i'm just more aware of my principles and how often i fall short of them or ignore them.

i think i'm approaching an irreverisible crossroads.

and now, i think i'm going to get out of this computer lab and go look at the sky before i have to go back to work. i like to look at the sky. it's huge.

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