in patches
i've been wanting to write but the computer screen makes me so tired. maybe i need reading glasses.
nakedprey warned me that M was apparently of interest to some other guy, and that i needed to do something soon if i was going to do anything at all. so, i made vague, slight attempts at flirting with her recently, but i realized that she's not likely to respond to typical flirting. i also realized that it really doesn't come naturally when we're hanging out. there are some people i can flirt with, and some i can't.
i guess it doesn't matter, though. later the same night, i asked abrandnew-e what she thought about me and M, and she let me in on a secret. apparently, M is interested in some other guy.
strangely, my first reaction was relief. now i didn't have to figure out what to do to get her attention. actually, now that i think about it, i guess it would still be possible to get her attention, but i don't really want to try. i'm not sure why not.
this whole fiasco with M and V has made me think about the comfort level between people. i am very comfortable with V, not so much with M. each has its good and bad things. with V, i was prone to take her for granted, i think, or to cross lines i shouldn't. with M, well, it's more difficult to be around her -- not too difficult, just a little awkward sometimes.
nakedprey pointed out to me that a romantic relationship shouldn't be too comfortable. i would add to that, maybe when you've been married for sixty years, but then i don't really know what that's like. at this point, yes, there must be a balance between comfort and tension.
there must also be a balance between staying awake and sleeping, and i think i know which way the scales are swinging right now...