heading back up the old rollercoaster
i'm okay. when i woke up on wednesday, i felt like something had died inside. but, a friend came over and we sat around for a while enjoying the nice weather (why is the weather here so insane?), and gradually that dead thing inside woke back up. then another friend brought me movies, alcohol, and a stuffed animal. i'm not sure how to feel about having a stuffed animal. it's odd. strangely, though, it really is comforting, almost like having a real animal to pet and have sit on your chest while you read.
i'm wandering. sorry. the wine and movies (and pizza and whataburger) lasted well into the night. on that note, i should probably go.
i want to say, though, that i never expected the thing with "M" to get so out of hand. (M, by the way, is not who i was talking about in the last entry.) it's like i just decided that she was the object of all my affections, and lo, it was so.
didn't i say that i hated this place? i think that i hate it having such a high place in my life. balance, perspective -- these are things i seek.
(now i'm starting to sound like yoda, or like kevin smith quoting yoda. yeesh.)