boo!
i hate technology...
oops, wrong horse. mmm... oh yeah....
i've been feeling alone lately, and scared. there never seems to be much i can do about the loneliness, except distract myself from it. that doesn't even work all the time.
the fear is, believe it or not, from watching a scary movie. horror films have a way of emphasizing every detail, and making it horrible and portentous, that rubs off on me and lasts a long time. i become painfully aware of how quiet it is in my house and of how alone i am. every doorknob seems to open onto terror, every reflection needs a second glance to make sure that it doesn't reveal anything amiss.
i suppose that i'm exaggerating. i'm scared, yes, but not petrified with terror. sometimes it's not so much the actual fear that bothers me, but the constant awareness of everything, and the overall mood that comes about from seeing lots of dead and rotting things, as happens in horror movies. i just don't like to have such a negative view of things.
so here i am, scared and alone. except it's not that bad, really. it's how i felt when i came here three hours ago, and it's how i'll feel later, but it's not how i feel all the time. i won't feel this way in a month (unless i watch another horror movie). i won't feel this way in twenty-four hours, when i'm hanging out with a friend. i won't feel this way forever.
but i will tonight when i go home and try to fall asleep in the dark, alone.