ill communications
saw jenna tonight. she's kind of a strange girl. she used to be a roommate of an actual friend of mine; the actual friend was never home, so i would hang out with jenna and the roommates while i waited for the a.f. even after a.f. moved out, jenna insisted that i come back and visit. she's always acted as though we're the best of friends, but honestly, we never spoke much while hanging out. (that could certainly be taken the wrong way, couldn't it?) don't get too excited -- we just watched t.v. or movies, or listened to music (pop music, and for some reason, ozzy osbourne). she's since moved into the dorms and so i can't really go over to her house to watch tv anymore.
when i saw jenna tonight, she rushed over to me and squeezed me and acted as though i was her dearest friend in the world. this seems really strange to me. i'd like to get to know her better, but something about her manner just kills my ability to think and makes me want to run away.
i think that i'm only interested in her because she's extremely hot, not because of who she is. that doesn't stop me from thinking about giving her a call.
i saw courtney and nicky tonight. they're old friends who moved to ft worth a couple of months ago. actually, courtney is the old friend -- nicky is a more recent friend. it's hard to realize the changes of the past four years since courtney and i met. we've both been through a lot -- we're pretty much different people. being around her and nicky is odd, because they mostly pay attention to each other. i didn't know what to say. i didn't care about the people they were talking about. i didn't get their inside jokes.
we went to the coffee shop where we always used to go, where a whole group of people would converge on wednesday nights for a night of chattering and slight lunacy. being there with those people reminded of those time, made me miss them. things were so much better then, it seems. now everyone has moved away, has gone elsewhere, or has other things to do. the people in whom i saw potential friends have been explored and the friendships have faded. even real friendships, expected to last forever, are slowly changing and becoming more difficult to maintain. my friends are scattered and isolated, and i can't keep up with them.
i've been feeling useless lately. i attribute that to being sick. i have trouble getting to sleep before two or three or four. i attribute that to staying up till five back at my parents' house during thanksgiving, and getting all out of whack. well, that and being sick. i've been a little melancholy lately, but not much. i attribute that to being single, and to my friends' lowering population.
well, that and being sick.