now debate can finally start
i feel that i've missed something important, that i've thrown away the biggest chance i've ever had, that it's hurt someone else's life besides my own, and that it may be too late to change.
i'm probably wrong though. even if i'm right, there's really no way to know, i think. just making the mistake made it impossible to fix the mistake.
ahhhhhh, life is too complicated, and i am too much a coward. it's time to go home and go to bed.