words anticipating
taking a break from the internet diet to meet a couple of bamboo plants. you read that right.
learning that sometimes conflict is necessary; or that even if it's not necessary, it's not inherently bad. i knew that already, but didn't really feel it. i am still learning though.
needing to be able to let go of restraint. needing to figure out what i want, and to chase it, because sometimes the things that i want are the things that need to be chased.
(but are want and need the same? i don't know if they are in this case and i don't know how to find out except to try and see what happens.)
fear, fear is what holds me back, fear that is not to be heeded for it is irrational or overblown or totally unnecessary. i am afraid of getting in trouble, of bothering people. those fears override much more important things.
but let me not run into things foolishly out of a desire to outrun fear. let me not run from afraid to stupid. let me not be impatient; let me be wise; let me do things in their appointed time.
because for once i can see it and i want it to be real.