do sea creatures dream of the briny deep?
so i'm thinking about having this diary reviewed. i probably shouldn't, because i don't know if a review would be a good thing to have floating in my head when i am writing. a harsh review could kill my self-confidence, and this diary is close enough to dying off from disuse already. i'll probably go ahead and do it, though, if i ever get around to it.
i'm also thinking about a girl that i ran into earlier. i finally know (and remember!) her name. there's something special about her that i can't quite put into words. there's something special about her that i can't even quite understand.
she radiates happiness, or so it seems. she has a beautiful smile, and she is always smiling.
maybe it's really just that she seems to like me in some way. she likes my hair, at least, semi-fro that it is. she almost always hugs me when i see her, and here i am not even remembering her name.
she is also a very strong believer in god. she lives it, and i am not and do not. she is very happy, and while i am happy sometimes, i'm not full of happiness. i don't exude it, and she does.
mainly i feel, though, that she is very special and that i would not be good for her. i don't mean to say that i am such a horrible, evil person that i would drag her down; i mean more that i seem to have a heavy weight on me that would keep me from going up to her.
this keeps me, all of it keeps me, from going up to her.
i was going to say, "i'm also thinking about...", and then insert something lighthearted for balance, but i'm not really thinking about anything else. i get sucked into these dramatic, depressing things, and then that's all there is for a while.
well, okay, i'm also thinking that i need to put my rent check in the mail, and here it is almost four o'clock. better get going.