sorry so sloppy
so, the two-girls-that-i-like saga grows more interesting. never mind that you don't know either of them.
so, i've also discovered that i'm no good at telling stories. i want to explain things, but i don't want to bore anyone to death. so, i guess i'll just get to the good bits (and keep saying "so").
so, cuddled with V last night (actually, suppose it was this morning). we were at the lake with a few other people, and eventually the vodka and orange juice started kicking in and putting people to sleep. lest you get the wrong idea, there was very little vodka in either of us. there was plenty in the others, though, and they were dropping one at a time, which means that each took a blanket for themselves, which meant that there ended up being one blanket and the two of us. of course, any time that you share a bed with someone that you're not involved with, you can each have your own little space and not get too personal. well, V was not exhibiting any such notions of personal space, so i lay there for a while, looking at the stars and wanting to put my arm around her, and finally i did.
i was afraid that she wouldn't want my arm around her, but would be too nice to say anything. a little later, though, she sat up to adjust the covers, and as she lay back down i went to put my arm behind her head, and we both laughed because i almost hit her in the head. then she lifted her head back up so i could put my arm under it.
it seems maybe kind of pitiful to be making such a big deal out of this. it's a lovely thing to be so comfortable with someone, and it can be very pure; it seems kind of perverted to be hoping that it leads to a relationship (especially since V is the girl i've been writing about, who was engaged only a few months ago).
the sad part, though, is that it probably did not seem like anything to her. just cuddling up with a friend for warmth and comfort. not that there's anything wrong with that; maybe that's all i need, really.
gah, this is too complicated, or i'm making it too complicated. i need to get offline, i'm going to stop writing now.