so, i should probably go to bed
i'm so tired it's almost like being drunk. i have this self-destructive tendency not to sleep when i'm tired. i don't want to go to bed yet, it feels like i haven't done anything, like the day's almost gone, and i don't want to go to work tomorrow, so this will postpone the inevitable.
it feels good to get that out.
my nasally, pedantic, look-for-the-silver-lining side says, "but you have good things to look forward to in the future".
i say to it, "i don't care. it doesn't matter." and it feels good.
i could almost settle down into a nice self-destruction if it weren't for the times of lucidity when i would realize how alone and miserable i was. i know, i've been there before. so, have fun with the self-pity tonight, tomorrow it's back to reality.
man, that's depressing.